"It's not my fault."
Have you ever noticed that people who have said this comment usually end up in lousy, dead end, abusive relationships, jobs, and networking groups.
This came up today when someone was explaining to me why they were not published. I usually don't pay any attention to people who have nothing good to say, but this person caught my attention.
This person was trying to tell me that it wasn't their fault - it was fate's - that they were in a bad relationship. This person had it all worked out, with the thanks of a psychic.
Sad
The thing is, this person was not in a bad relationship because of fate (or pheromones). This person was in a bad relationship because they never learned to say no.
I mean, the pheromone thing is clinically proven, but that doesn't mean that we can't say no. I remember being attracted to guys who were 'great.'
Let me see. After my divorce this 'great' guy asked me out. He took me to a great dinner and then, on the way home he picked up his girls. They had been waiting outside of an arena, for an hour and a half.
I must admit that I was startled when we drove into an abandoned arena parking lot. I was starting to debate whether this guy would respond to pain by knocking my lights out, or if it would turn him on and I'd be in more danger....then, I saw these two girls, 14 - 15, sitting on the curb.
I made a glib comment about it being a nice night and after a little prying found out that the dance was over at midnight...we picked them up at 1:30 (approx) am. Now, I may have been drawn to the guy by pheromones, but I was not stupid enough to miss the dozens of 'red flags' that went up over this situation.
The same goes with work. Have you ever noticed that some people are stuck in dead end jobs, but if you ask them whether they've taken courses, applied for other jobs, or even had counselling, there is always a reason that someone else is holding them back.
I never understood why people in a bad relationship didn't do anything with their 'head' so they could make decisions.
Okay - like a commercial...it basically said, 'no matter how much of a looser you are, you can get laid (can I say that) if you sign up for our dating service because we have thousands of local singles who don't want to be single this Valentines day.' I mean - why not just hang a sign around your neck 'I want to fail. Kick me when I'm down - please.'
I'm sure I am stepping on a few people's toes. I know that Christians who do believe in King Jame's bible and not Martin Luther's or The New Jerusalem, would not divorce Hannibal L. because some dude 2000 years ago said it wasn't right.
I know there are people who are not strong enough - yet - to take care of themselves emotionally.
Still, there are a lot of you out there who have the right mindset, a good opinion of yourself, a library card, and are still in a bad relationship or job. Do you know what is wrong? Habit. That is it.
From now on, keep a journal and watch what happens over the next few weeks.
I mention this because the person who I was talking to has a good self-esteem, and is strong enough to look after themselves - they are just in the habit of letting people walk over them.
My hubby was like this. When I met him, he was in the habit of letting other men do things for him because he was disabled. However - he started to rethink his life when I started asking him 'Why don't you do it yourself?' or 'Why do you want to call him?'
Rolf - of course - the tables turned and he started pushing me to achieve my best, but then, isn't that what a hubby is for?
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